Funhouse Read online

  “Telling takes away all the fun. You’re just going to have to wait and see, new girl.”

  Neve groaned.

  “Screw your courage to the sticking place,” Valorie said. “It’s almost over for the twins.”

  Definitely almost over. The twins sounded exactly the same, so even though their rising moans weren’t always in rhythm, they overlapped and magnified the sound above the intensifying music, which had a pounding drum foundation.

  She couldn’t stop imagining what it was like for Ciarán and Moss to have sex with both twins at the same time when the place where the girls were conjoined limited their positions. She came up with a number of scenarios, all which she then imagined herself in solo, with the giant demon looming above her and the small demon eye-level with her hips, at a perfect height…

  An animalistic howl rose, joined by a rebel yell from Moss. The girls sounded like they were crying, but the sex magic cocooning itself around Neve had never been more intense. If there were a female version of a gloryhole, a cock just sticking out of the floor, she’d have screwed herself silly by now, but there was nothing but her own fingers, which she already knew wouldn’t work.

  The drums stopped into almost complete silence, broken only by the twins’ hiccupping gasps.

  Ciarán carried Joanne and Jane out from the concealed backstage area, looking like the demonic version of himself from the glass case, with his prehistoric teeth. Most human Tall Men wouldn’t have been able to carry a pair of girls like them, even though they were probably light enough individually. Humans weren’t meant to grow that big, and weight could wreak havoc on a skeletal structure that hadn’t been designed to support them. But Ciarán did so without effort. He could probably qualify as a strongman himself, as a giant and with his prodigious, visible, vascular strength that belied how gently he eased the twins to the floor. Moss wasn’t far behind, grinning like the cat who’d gotten the cream, the catnip and all the sardines in the cupboard. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, making clear what he had done for at least one of the twins.

  Jane laughed weakly, patting Ciarán on his forearm. “Thanks, big guy. We may never walk again.”

  “Our pleasure.” Moss slapped both girls on their asses then grabbed hold of Ciarán’s hand. Ciarán hauled him up onto his massive shoulders. Moss saluted the other girls waiting in the wings with a wink, as though saying, “Next time.”

  “Double, double, toil and trouble. Delicious, wasn’t it?” If the response to Bell was more subdued, Neve thought it wasn’t for lack of enthusiasm but because of occupied mouths and hands. “Think you have the appetite for more?”

  The audience managed to make themselves heard, even if the cheers had a certain strained quality.

  “You, sir, please come to the stage. No, leave your shirt off. We’re all strangers here, even when we know each other, yes? You know how we do things. Name, the age you feel you are and your deepest, darkest fantasy. And remember, I’m psychic, so I’ll know if you’re lying. That’s all right, sir, you’re supposed to be intimidated, but I promise I won’t bite. Not you, anyway.”

  “Hello. My name is Magnus, thirty. And I, uh, I want…” Magnus drifted off in palpable embarrassment.

  “Magnus…” Bell’s voice became unbearably personal again. Neve could almost feel his breath against her ear, over her neck. “Every single person here today has a deep, dark fantasy they shudder to air aloud. Every single one of them. Some of my people have imaginations that swirl with the wickedest filth they dare not speak. A waste of a good opportunity, in my opinion. Do share, sir. I’m all a-quiver for someone to conquer their fear in this house of horrors.”

  “I, um, I pay a girl to tie me up, slap me and call me a dirty old man, a tub of lard, waste of breath. I pay for it every week. I don’t even have sex with her. She just meets me in the apartment I rent as a playroom and humiliates the shit out of me. I’m not allowed to come until I free myself, which is well after she leaves.”

  “There now.” Bell spoke in a soothing purr, and Neve couldn’t help the sound that escaped her. Caroline giggled. Valorie covered her mouth in her continuing but failing attempt to hide her smile at Neve’s discomfort. “Freeing, isn’t it, sir? As a reward, you get to help fate choose the next victim. Spin that wheel.”

  The arrow on the pegs ticked violently then slowed to a stop.

  “It seems fate seeks a little flexibility. Our contortionist, Valorie, she of the biting wit and sharper knives. Come out and join us, love. Don’t worry. We won’t make anything easy for you, no matter how far you stretch.”

  Neve struck the partition with her fist. “Lord have mercy.”

  “Bell doesn’t do mercy. Peace out, bitches.” Valorie stood in a single fluid motion. For such an unforgiving outfit, there was absolutely nothing it needed to forgive on Valorie’s lithe, angular figure.

  “Just the two of us now,” Caroline said. “You look like you’re in pain.”

  “I wonder why.” She clenched her teeth, but not in anger.

  “Wait. Are you in pain?” Caroline stood, concern in the furrowing of her fine eyebrows, but she seemed unsure whether to approach. “Is there something I can do?”

  Neve shook her head. “If the next round isn’t me, I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’ll find somebody. God, you’d think I’d had enough, and then Mikhail goes and—” She pounded the wall again, releasing a rush of air.

  “Dude, I rescind my claim for Resident Nymphomaniac. I didn’t know it was that bad. At least it explains that one night.”

  “Sorry about that.” Some of her blood managed to flush her cheeks rather than making everything between her legs feel hot with sexual infection. It felt like an illness, like something she could pass on or something that had been passed on to her—from fucking Mikhail, from kissing Bell, from furiously having sex with Victor, from leading Samuel away. It felt like something was wrong…

  “Hey, no worries. The golems had to do some extra cleaning on the carousel, that’s all. Everyone had to sign a nondisclosure agreement, so anything else you heard about it is all just rumors.”

  Neve was surprised into a laugh.

  “Hello, darling. This is a treat, having you join us for the entertainment tonight. Valorie doesn’t always partake, ladies and gentlemen, but it takes more than a monster to make her afraid. If you’re so fearless, love, pick a door, any door. The one on the left is the creature that the twins denied. Behind the other, whole new horrors. Choose wisely. There’s no turning back.”

  Something that reminded Neve of the music Lady Sasha danced to, a snake charmer’s melody set to a richer orchestra, filled the room. But there was no way Valorie had opened the door to the succubus.

  “Sounds like she chose David.” Caroline pronounced it ‘Daveed’. “That should be fun.”

  “I don’t think we’ve met,” Neve said, trying to distract herself.

  “You probably have. He works in the haunted funhouse, but outside his ‘costume’, he’s barely recognizable. Have you met the Serpent King yet?”

  “The man with the snake’s body?”

  “Yeah. The body is just an accessory, not an all-the-time transfiguration. David himself is diphallic, totally natural. I think Bell only did some cosmetic work on the two penises…penii…”

  “Either one works.” Well, she’d wanted a distraction. Now she was distracted by the thought of two working phalluses at once.

  “The two dicks. How’s that?” Caroline grinned. “Other than Kitty, he’s the only oddity who was somewhat famous before being brought in. And he’s part-time, although Bell’s been trying to him in here full-time. He’s contract work, like me. We’re not trapped and we still get all the benefits. It’s nice. So is he. Also, he’s fucking hot. Really passionate, eager to please and eager to be pleased at the same time. Totally loses himself in the role of the Serpent King. The act is almost like a tango. I think he does some porn on the outside, too—not that it speaks to his acting skills.
”

  Neve laughed again, the sound almost a sob. Caroline was trying, she really was, chattering to keep Neve upright rather than internalizing the pleasure that was like razorblades under her sensitive skin. And it was working, despite the throb of magic that still swirled around and through her, unrelenting in its assault.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone like this before,” Caroline said quietly, finally deciding to rub Neve’s back. Neve flinched away. Caroline held her hands up as though to reassure her that she wouldn’t try that again. “Carlo, sometimes. I always assumed Lady Sasha suffered in silence, and Lord Mikhail looks like he’s in pain at the worst of it. But never this bad. The only people who look this bad are the ones actually in pain.”

  “It’ll calm down when it knows it’ll get what it wants,” Neve said. “I hope.”

  Valorie and David lasted longer than the twins with the Tall and Short Man, which made Neve suspect they weren’t just having monster sex but engaging in a performance that demonstrated their respective oddities and the inherent sexiness therein. She hadn’t ever witnessed Valorie rehearse with the Serpent King, but who knew what kind of private rehearsals happened outside the ring?

  And Neve would be going in without a single rehearsal, without knowing anything. She didn’t even know whether she could perform well or whether she’d won people over in the maze through sheer enthusiasm rather than poetry. She didn’t know whether she looked good when she was having sex or whether the idea of having sex with a willing woman was enough for people to overlook any deficiency.

  By the time she reached the stage, she didn’t think how she looked having sex would feature very high on her list, but that didn’t stop her from worrying about it while she still had some of her wits with her.

  “Thank you, Valorie, darling. I believe it goes without saying, friends, but just in case it doesn’t… Please, do not try any of this at home. We are not liable for whatever strange positions the paramedics find you in. You laugh, but I count at least three of you who have made just such an emergency room visit.”

  The Serpent King slithered from the enclosed backstage with Valorie happily naked in his arms. He smiled a serpent’s pointy grin. In the haunted funhouse, Neve had interpreted that happiness as evil glee, but closer to him, the wickedness seemed to be a trick of structure, a ridge over his eyes that drew the shape of his brows down in perpetual disdain. However, his laughter was pure human, despite the thirty-foot stretch of thick muscle and bone that comprised his tail.

  “New blood,” he said as he set Valorie down. “I remember you from the funhouse. Nice to see you in the line-up. Nice to see you in general.” He stared her up and down with obvious delight, though whatever penile oddity he had displayed out on stage had been effectively hidden once more within the cloaca. “Hope to meet you more personally real soon. Don’t be a stranger.”

  “It looks like we only have time for one more gruesome attack upon such virginal purity.” The audience that wasn’t otherwise engaged laughed. “You, sir. Come on up and help fate choose between the blonde and the redhead. I love your jacket. May I? Oh no. Oh dear. With leather pants underneath, I just end up looking like an eighties reject instead of a badass.” Bell gave the first silly laugh Neve had ever heard from him, and damn if it wasn’t one of the more endearing things he’d done. “You keep it. Now, you know the drill. Name, relationship status and a deep, dark secret desire you wouldn’t dare tell anyone else.”

  “Sure. I’m Locke, mercifully single and open to new relationships.”

  Both Neve and Caroline looked up at the same time, even though both of them knew they wouldn’t be able to see who spoke smooth as melted butter, so much so that Neve could almost taste it. And with the phantom taste came a sudden desire to lick melted butter and sugar off a hard body.

  “I don’t know if everyone heard you, Locke. You mind repeating that? Oh, no, wait. A few people in the back collapsed onto the fainting couches, so I’d say your message definitely got out. Does anyone have a ruler? I think it’s time to measure cheekbones, because I’m feeling threatened. Oh, and he has dimples, ladies and gentlemen. I’m afraid I can’t compete.”

  Locke was still laughing like a little boy himself when Bell pointed the microphone at him. “Well, I’m not competing with anybody. I’m just here to have a good time.”

  “How’s it been so far?”

  “Illuminating.”

  “I like that,” Bell said. “But don’t think you can get out of sharing your darkest desire. I’m not easily distracted.”

  There was a protracted silence. Then, his low register husky and warm, Locke said quietly, “I don’t have just one.”

  “Damn, he sounds like one of those guilty kisses you only take in the dark, doesn’t he?” Caroline breathed.

  “You don’t have to give the whole list, Locke. If I were to start myself, we’d be here till Valentine’s Day. Just a peek into that twisted psyche. That’s all we ask.”

  Another silence. “I like watching people in beautiful pain. Crying and begging for more. I very much enjoyed watching your Ringmaster with the Maya woman.”

  “So do I, Locke. So do I.” But a note of distance suffused Bell’s heated reply. “Thank you for trusting us. Give that wheel a spin. Will it be our enterprising carousel engineer with a taste for dominating bad boys or the newest cast member of Arcanium? She still hasn’t quite found her place, but fuck, that woman is game for just about anything.”

  The ticking noise felt like it would end with an explosion this time if Neve didn’t get what she needed.

  “Excellent spin, sir. Neve, darling, would you come out, please? I think it’s time to fully initiate you into our esteemed, eccentric circle.”

  “Awww, I wanted to go, but you seem like you need it more.” Caroline brushed the stray locks of hair away from Neve’s face so that she didn’t look like she was having as much trouble as she was. “Knock ’em dead. Remember to have fun. And try not to die between here and the scene. All right?”

  “I’ll make every effort.” Neve braced herself against the partitions as she made her way to the opening that led to the stage.

  Immediately upon stepping onstage, howls and wolf whistles expressed appreciation for her brief choice of costume. Neve allowed her eyes adjust to the light then took a deep breath and stepped out to join Bell to the right of downstage. She walked with a sway, her breasts quivering with each step. Locke was heading toward his seat, but he stopped halfway up to stare.

  He’d taken off his jacket to let Bell try it on and held it draped over his shoulder like a model in a magazine, but his wide, blue eyes under the telltale fedora were fixed upon her, as though stunned. And in being stunned, that hunger she’d seen outside the bedroom tableau returned in full force. Blue was too cool a color for what smoldered behind.

  Lord Mikhail was in the front row, his arms crossed over his chest, biceps bulging against the arms of his jacket. Unlike many of the men within view, he hadn’t undone the front of his trousers, but his large cock pressed against the seam of the leg, the fabric forcibly holding it down the way his leather pants did. His eyes and eye sockets had gone black in the dimmed light.

  Neve tried to ignore both men and went directly to where Bell held out his hand. She took it, let him draw her next to him, pressed her hip against his and kissed the corner of his mouth, a greeting more than anything sensual. Then, on impulse, before Bell could raise the microphone to speak again, she turned his face back to her and parted her lips to kiss him more fully, slow, sensual, their tongues meeting in light, smooth brushes over their lips as the audience cheered.

  He was the one to ease back, albeit with some reluctance. He brought the microphone between them. “Makes a man wish he was a monster, doesn’t it? Now, this was your first Funhouse. What did you think?”

  “I think it’s not over yet. Did you think you’d won, Bell? Did you think I’d fold just because I was tired? I’m nowhere close to finished, and I don’t th
ink you’ve given everything you have yet.” She took his earlobe between her teeth and sucked lightly. She was rewarded with a soft moan, barely loud enough for the microphone to pick up, but she thought she’d surprised him a second time tonight, and apparently, he liked these kinds of surprises. “I dare you to really scare me, Bell. I really do.”

  “Dangerous to dare, love. I hope the rest of the monsters behind the doors heard you and step up to meet it, even if they’d planned to go more gently on the new girl. You don’t need gentle, do you, Neve?”

  His hand had been on the small of her back, but he slid it down to squeeze her ass, and she was surprised to feel the prick of claws like the ones that had left livid scratches on her body. Bell had never showed his claws to her before. She hadn’t even known he had them. This time it was her turn to moan, and she was pretty sure the microphone caught that one.

  There were other sounds she could hear while on stage that the partitions had mostly blocked—sounds with which she was so intimately familiar because she’d either done them or had them done to her by now. When she looked beyond the first row, it was more difficult to see what was going on, but she saw enough. The orgy had already begun, but in the midst of everything they did, most people’s attention was nevertheless fixed upon the stage.

  God, those sounds. They used to repel her unless made by her husband or for him. Now it was a reminder of what was happening to other people who weren’t her, and suddenly, all she wanted was to forget about the monsters behind the doors and just grab Locke from the stair, beckon Mikhail from his seat and pull Bell down over her right on stage. Three pairs of hands and three cocks sounded like just the right amount.

  Bell slapped her right cheek as though to jolt her from her reverie. The heat in his smile suggested he’d seen exactly what she’d been thinking about. “Maybe another night,” he whispered in her ear. Then he brought the microphone back to his mouth. “Don’t get distracted, love. What you’re looking for is behind one of those doors, and I think the rest of the audience agrees with me—I’ve been looking forward to this all night.”